Coffee Helps

It’s the age-old question, isn’t it? The one that has stumped even the brightest scientific minds in the world, flummoxed generations (well, at least a couple), and proved itself to be the one unanswerable question in the universe.

Where do the missing socks go?

The problem up until now (are you sensing that I’ve had a breakthrough? Ohhhh, it’s exciting stuff…) has been the fact that we’re caught unawares and taken by surprise. You’re doing a few things at once, perhaps, and not really paying attention as you unload the drier. Then – alas! – too late, you are left with that one, obligatory Odd Sock.

Various suggestions have been put forth concerning the whereabouts of this vast number - undoubtedly zillions – of socks that have, by some freak of nature, escaped from driers worldwide. One advert I recall seeing in my childhood (can’t remember what it was actually for, to be honest, so it wasn’t that effective, despite having stuck in my head all these years) suggested that the socks somehow teleported themselves to some kind of Odd Sock Planet, and we saw an artist’s impression of all the Odd Socks partying away, free from all earthly concerns.

This wasn’t really concrete enough for me, I’m afraid. I need a bit more than “somehow”. I’m completely open to the idea of such a planet existing, but my mind craves more solid answers.

Now, I’m not claiming to have suddenly found these answers! However, I think I have made an advance towards the truth of the matter. Here’s what happened: I was unloading the drier this afternoon, and, on pulling out a large bath towel, noticed a lone grey sock attached to it.  “I’d better detach that before I fold the towel,” I thought to myself, “or it’ll fall on the floor and/or get lost”. [NB - I didn't actually think those exact words, obviously. It was an instinctive reaction as my mind made the realisation and decision in rapid succession]. Anyway, this is the Amazing Breakthrough. I blinked momentarily as I reached down for the sock. And lo! When I reopened my eyes, it was gone! Gone, I tell you.

You may, I suspect, be wondering how exactly this merits its title of Amazing Breakthrough. Think about it! The socks do not disappear while they are in the drier, as previously believed. They make their escape as we are unloading the drier, perhaps energised by the spinning, or intoxicated by the sheet of Bounce. All we have to do is begin to be vigilant as we perform this task. We have not been concentrating. All around the world, socks are escaping – and it doesn’t need to happen!

I realise that all over the worldwide web, people are writing blogs about technological advances, Important Political Matters, theology and the like. And I’m writing about sock vigilance. But maybe if more people wrote about this type of thing, the mysteries would be solved much more quickly? I don’t know. I follow my muse. When it’s socks, it’s socks.

Filed under: blogging, confusion, housework, missing socks, mysteries, weird