Coffee Helps

Granny is thanking me for sending the email to Mrs. Fanatical Irish-American last week.

Granny: Will she jist get in touch with you, now, or will she do me an email or what?

Me: Probably just me, Granny – you don’t have email.

Granny: How would I get an email number? Could I get it on the landline?

Me: Well, you’d need a computer.

Granny: (thoughtful pause) What about thon wee mobile phone your ma got me? Could I do email on thon?

Me: Well, in theory, yes, but you’d need to learn how to text first.

Granny: What’s text? Them wee messages I cannae half see?

Me: Yes.

Granny: Och, sure what’s the good o’ them?! Jist you listen out for another email comin’.

Me: OK.

Granny: How much do I owe ye for sendin’ thon?

Me: Nothing.

Granny: No, no, I’ll be payin’ ye for it, yer no daein’ thon for nothin’!

Me: But it doesn’t cost anything to send an email, Granny. It’s free.

Granny: (blank amazement and disbelief) What? Och sure it must’ve cost somethin’, it was all the way tae America, sure!

Me: It really doesn’t. I promise.

Granny: Well isn’t thon somethin’! All the way tae the States for nothin’! How much would it cost tae send tae Australia?

Me: Err, nothing. Email is free, Granny. You pay for your internet connection, that’s all. You can send as many emails as you like, to anywhere in the world.

Granny: How much would it cost tae send a local email?

A lesser person would see real money-making opportunities in this conversation. I left half an hour later and sat in the car quietly banging my head off the steering wheel for a little while. I really think she’d have been happier if I’d charged her a fiver and been done with it.

Filed under: america, confusion, conversations