For the CV: Excellent Communication Skills

Excerpt from work-related phone call to Italy this morning.

Me: May I speak to Elena, please?

Italian Man: (incomprehensible babble)

Me: I’m sorry, non parlo italiano. May I speak to Elena?

IM: I pardon you, please?

Me: I want to speak to Elena.

IM: Again, please, pardon you.

Me: Eyyyy-leyyyyy-naaa?

IM: Ehhhh….

Me: Para inglese? I have an order for some furniture, I need to talk to someone about it.

IM: No English… you need talk Elena.

Me: I see… may I please speak to her, instead, then?

IM: No.

Me: Oh.. um…

IM: You telephone at afternoon, please thank you.

Me: OK. After lunch?

IM: Ehhh… not yet.

Me: Scusi?

IM: I am to be not yet eating the lunch, I thank you.

Me: Right… right. I will call back after lunch.

IM: You are in Italy?

Me: Eh? No. I’m in Ireland.

IM: But we are in Italy.

Me: Yes, I know that.

IM: I do not understand. You will eat the lunch here another day?

Me: What?! No! I don’t want to have lunch with you, I will CALL BACK AFTER LUNCH. On the tel-ee-phone-ee.

IM: For the lunch this afternoon?

Me: NO!!! I telephone later. Thank you – grazie.

Hang up phone and moan softly to self. End scene.

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3 Responses

  1. Never mind that!

    The shortlists for the Irish Blog Awards are out and YOU made it!

    Wohoo! well done. Now start practising your Dublinese!

  2. LOL!!!!

    Muchas hilarias.

    I’d see if he’s paying for lunch, and whether flights are included. ;)

  3. I dread these phone calls. It’s much worse, however, when it’s a language I actually claim to be able to speak, because it’s so much more embarrassing when you really think you’re making sense.

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