Some might sympathise with my position. Others might envy it.
On the one hand, I am broke and unemployed and stuck in the house all the time when I want to be back out enjoying a travelling lifestyle. On the other hand, I have absolutely no ties and no responsibilities, and so am free to consider whatever strange or wonderful opportunities happen to come my way.
I’ve been entertaining the notion of taking a little backpacking jaunt around Ireland, for example. Hitching rides and staying with Couchsurfing hosts. Or Scotland, where I’ve discovered that I can take bus rides from place to place all over the country for £1 a time. Or going to live at a hippy-run “sanctuary” on the Isle of Skye, miles from civilisation, staying for free in exchange for helping out with the animals. Or housesitting anywhere in the world, if I get lucky with that again. It’s not a totally bad situation to be in, if only I could get some more regular writing work coming in as well.
Or a job. But of course, it doesn’t have to be a “normal” job, because (a) there aren’t any going at the moment, and (b) where’s the fun in that?! Which is why I found myself sending an email yesterday with the subject “re: Witch Vacancy”.
Wookey Hole Caves (near Bath, England) are advertising for a resident witch. You don’t have to actually be a witch (I just want to clarify at this point that I am not!), but you’d have to dress like one and live in the caves, muttering and cackling to yourself, so that tourists get a good feel for what it was “really” like there in the Dark Ages. The “real” witch was unfortunately turned to stone by a Catholic monk armed with holy water, so a fake witch is now required.
The general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves says:
“The job is straightforward: live in the cave, be a witch, and do the things witches do. We are witchless at the moment so we need to get the role filled as soon as possible. The successful applicant will need to like dark, enclosed spaces, be good around a cauldron, enjoy the company of cats and have a good cackle. We are looking for someone who is friendly, a little mischievous and with lots of character.”
Oh, and the salary is £50,000, did I mention that bit? Now, for £50,000, I’d be delighted to be Crazy Cat Lady, living in a cave and cackling to myself. I’d probably do it for free if I didn’t need to gather up some travel funds.
From what I can see, they’re going to hold open interviews (something akin to an X Factor audition, I imagine, only with cauldrons instead of microphones) at the end of the month, where applicants will be assessed in terms of costume, character, and, erm, the ability to perform witch tests. I have sent an email asking for clarification on the witch tests, just in case I go over there and realise that I’m expected to know how to turn a bat into a bar of gold, because I would need to practise that sort of thing in advance.
I have no doubt, however, that I am the perfect candidate for the job. Maybe I could even take Kat the Cat!
Heheheheheheheh! (<– Witchy cackle)
Filed under: Uncategorized
hilarious.
“She’s a restless spirit on an endless flight”. That’s from Witchy Woman by The Eagles, and I think it describes you perfectly
It’s meant to be…
Hahaha, sounds like an excellent job!
I’m with you on the being stuck in the house thing. I’m currently going out of my mind with boredom!
Ha ha, yes, I saw that advert. Thought of applying too -but I can’t cackle. Have quite a nice hacking cough though (legacy from last winter) but that’s no substitute for a screechy, hair raising cackle!
Ah well, good look to you Hails. It’s worth a try, for 50,000 smackers! Kat will help, I’m sure.
Would you have to sleep in the cave? *Shivers and runs to hide!
Did you say 50,000? Surely you’re too young and your nose isn’t large enough.. I on the other hand have a wonderful protuberance and mad curly hair . .I would be perfect. Pleez sendz detailz. Needz moneez. Famleez sick. Hurry,.
ha ha ha!!
What jobs sites are you looking that you managed to find that! I have NEVER come across anything remotely as interesting at that!
If you get that job I am sooooo coming over for a visit!
and who’d have thunk that holy water could do so much damage?? Shocking!! You’d have to buy a brolly incase some over enthusiastic priest decides to do the same to you!!
Hope you haven’t scrubbed off that green paint….it would be a definite plus during the application process
Keep your green painted bits, the stooped shoulders from bending, rub your hair for static, and your good to go. Tips from me, the ol crone.
I’d say a witch was more
“Muahahahahahahahaha!”
Erin – ah, yes, but it won’t be so funny when I’m getting 50 grand a year for it!
Billy – I like it. It does fit me, doesn’t it?!
Bevchen – you should apply, too. We can be witches of Wookey together…
Geri – Kat is currently in broomstick riding training.
Grannymar – Yes, apparently so. Don’t worry – if only you’d seen some of the places I’ve slept in over the past year…
Baino – don’t try to talk me out of a job because of my youthful good looks!!
Bessy – As I shall only be acting a witch rather than actually being one I hope to find that the holy water will have no effect on me. I hope.
Maureen – My skin still has a healthy green glow. I’m good to go!
Brighid – all I need is a cape!
Jo – thanks for the advice. I’d hate to flunk the interview over such a basic requirement…
Well shoot I see on the evening news that they had a large number of witches apply for the job at Wookey Hole Caves. The lovely lady selected was a local real estate sales lady who was going to quit her job and go witchy full time.