Coffee Helps

I spent this afternoon in Tesco. Yes, all of it. In its entirety. The whole flamin’ afternoon.

I’m not one to get all excited when a new shop/store/supermarket opens, and run there instantly with the hordes of people who are for some reason all excited. Zed is – she went to the WNT (Wonderful New Tesco) on whatever night it was last week that the blasted place opened. “Have you been to Tesco’s yet?” she asked everyone for the rest of the week, with an air of smuganicity. Apparently they had 80,000 people through the doors on their first day. Choirs sang at the entrance and there were balloons and various forms of entertainment. Why? Why??!!! It is a supermarket, not some kind of awesome rocket-launching event.

Anyway, it so happened that today it was time for my once-fortnightly grocery shop. I also had to get the car washed, as it has been becoming increasingly difficult to see out of the window lately, owing to the layer of muck and grime being sprayed on by passing lorries (probably Tesco ones, although I do not wish to make any unfounded allegations) on a now daily basis. Thus, having used the very efficient car-washing people in Pennybridge, I decided that I might as well do my shopping in the WNT, since it was marginally closer to my current location than Lidl.

Parking was troublesome. I swung round a corner to try scanning a new row for a space, and found myself in a very long, very still queue. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was queuing for, so I waited interestedly for a while, quickly got bored, and followed the example of various others by inching out of the queue, turning, and scarpering. I found a space, after some confusion and a small incident with a runaway trolley, and got out of the car, several miles away from the WNT.

After a pleasant hike through the rain, I entered the WNT, and instantly found myself involved in a minor scuffle with a harrassed-looking woman who was too engaged with screaming at her out-of-control infants to care that she was ramming her trolley into my hip bone. This did not bode well for the immediate future. I gripped my trolley with grim determination.

I do not want to talk about the rest of my experience, other than to express my annoyance at the narrowness of the aisles, my anger at the rudeness of a large number of my fellow Ballymenians, my confusion about the layout of the store, and my extreme regret at not having gone to Lidl’s. By the time I emerged, aching and exhausted, the car park seemed to have been transported on to the M2, and the tailback reached the outskirts of Belfast. Cursing the experimental part of my brain that had told me to ‘just go and see what it’s like’, I trudged around the (now dark) car park trying to find Rio the Clio, loaded my shopping, returned my trolley, got into the car, and moved forward approximately 2.5 inches to join the queue. Then I sat there for three quarters of an hour. I swear, three quarters of an hour, just to get out. How? Why??!!! I couldn’t see what the hold-up was, and the only explanation I could find was that every motorist in the area was trying to get as far away from the WNT as possible, all at the same time. There were cars queuing from every direction.

My frozen veggies dripped sadly over the back seat. I banged my head dismally off the steering wheel several times. I have been at venues like The Odyssey and the Waterfront, where several thousand concert-goers are attempting to leave the car park at the same time, and it doesn’t take as long as it took me to get to the exit of the WNT car park. It makes No Sense Whatsoever.

Anyway, I’m home now. I have refrozen my frozen goods and will no doubt contract salmonella at some point in the near future. I will keep you – and Tesco – informed. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to purchase some chocolate and crisps. I hear them calling to me.

Filed under: Ballymena, Car, chocolate, complaining, confusion, driving, freak-out, Lidl, rant, road rage, sheer silliness, shopping, tension, Tesco | 3 Comments »