Traveller’s Rest

It’s good to be back in Tallinn.

The absence of blog posts this week is an indication of how exhausted I’ve been – finally being able to lie down in a comfortable bed, cook healthy meals in a familiar kitchen, and lounge around in pyjamas all day reading and chatting and sleeping has been a real luxury. It’s also caused my body to groan “Finally!” and give up. Little things like blogging, working, and actually going outside have fallen (temporarily) by the wayside in favour of letting myself rest and recover from the most manic and unsettled few months of my entire life.

Monday was a longggggg day, with possibly the most bizarre flight I’ve ever had, even by Ryanair’s standards. The main problem was that the pilot really didn’t seem to be concentrating or – to be honest – to know how to fly a plane. Not that I’m judging, because I suspect that I wouldn’t have been able to fly it much better myself, but you tend to take these things for granted, don’t you? And for a start, he was convinced it was October. He kept telling us that it was. I’m pretty sure it’s September, but I don’t know what end of me is up any more, so I could be wrong. Anyway, after a very up and down sort of flight (I mean that very literally) during which my right ear had become more and more fuzzy (of hearing, I mean – i don’t mean to suggest that it suddenly sprouted a lot of hair or anything), he announced that we were coming in to land in Lithuania (it was Latvia, actually, but hey – they’re right next to each other), local time was 3pm (even though it was 2pm) and the weather was, once again, fairly typical late October sunshine. At this point I can only presume that he pressed a large button saying STOP, as opposed to performing any kind of complicated and expert landing procedure, for the plane didn’t so much “land” as simply fall out of the sky, end up on the runway (possibly by sheer happy accident), bounce a few times and skid to a halt in front of the terminal.

“Oooooh!” squeaked several women as we did the bouncing thing. Then they broke into spontaneous applause. I mean, WHAT? What the hell were they applauding? The fact that the plane didn’t technically go on fire or shatter into pieces? It’s not like it was the most graceful and delicate flight and landing anyone had ever experienced. Or maybe it was, and that’s a sign of the way things are in Latvia, I dunno.

Anyway. The day was greatly improved by the absolutely AMAZING bus from Riga to Tallinn – I was dreading 6 hours of bus, but this one had comfy seats, leg room, a coffee bar, WiFi, and a little TV screen with the politest bus host I have ever seen. He spoke in Latvian for about 10 minutes, then repeated his speech in Estonian, and just as he was kindly starting his English version I was thinking to myself “The only shame is that my battery’s going to go done in my laptop in about 2 hours – what would make this perfect would be if someone would invent a way of putting electric sockets on to buses!”. And little TV host man, so very politely, says “Internet access is free for your unlimited use, to while away the time or catch up with some emails, so if you want to power up, please do make use of the power sockets located between the seats”. Super-impressed, I was. And the toilet was not just a toilet, it was “a comfortable space for you to refresh yourself in privacy”, and the seats didn’t just recline to make you more comfortable, they allowed you to “curl up and doze off peacefully with the soothing sound of the road beneath you”.

I seriously love Estonia.

Where am I?

I’m suffering from a severe case of haven’t-got-a-clue-where-I-am-itis, which means that the first few minutes upon waking up in the morning are becoming increasingly confused and disorientated. It’s a new ailment to me, since for much of my life it was a safe bet that when I opened my eyes I would be in Ballymena, Northern Ireland. Things are a little less certain these days.

I’ve had to develop a routine upon waking: firstly, don’t just assume that you’re in the last place you remember being, as sometimes the mind simply can’t keep up. Take a moment. Let your brain wake up before you attempt any complicated memory feats.

Next, try to remember which country you’re in. This is an extremely helpful step, and makes the next one much simpler. Which city? Cast your mind back to the day before, and gather all appropriate information: train journeys, names of stations passed through, people spoken to… it’s all relevant. Once you’re reasonably confident of your approximate geographic location, you can try to get more specific.

Open your eyes and look around – do you recognise the room? Initially, the answer tends to be “Erm… no”, but don’t panic: generally you can  retrace your steps from the night before, and at least recall the last person you saw before going to sleep. This tends to help narrow things down (consider what language they spoke, what their accent was like, that sort of thing – grab any stray pieces of jigsaw that you can find).

In the past week, I have woken up in Holland, England, and Hungary, and now sit dazed and confused in Austria. Three mornings in a row found me in three different countries. From a loft room in Utrecht, to a pink bedroom in Cambridge (I have been sternly reprimanded for calling it “London”, but it was close enough. I got to meet up with yet another internet acquaintance, mainly because of the proximity of his house to the airport, and to sleep in a real bed. Hurrah!), to a hostel in Balaton.  Since then, I’ve slept on someone’s couch in Budapest, and am currently in some guy’s flat in Vienna, looking out at the rain with a feeling of utter exhaustion. I do not want to see any more nice buildings. I do not want to ask anyone else if they speak English. I do not want to visit another museum, or climb another hill, or try to figure out how, where and when to validate tram tickets in yet another city.

I don’t mean that I don’t ever want to do these things again, of course. Give me a few weeks to recharge the batteries and no doubt I’ll be wondering which country I can visit next. For now, though, I’m knackered. I have no energy left: only this afternoon I got stuck in a set of tram doors, which rather inconsiderately closed on me as I was trying, in my feeble state, to struggle up the steps with my bags. I do not know the German for Somebody help me, I am going to be killed when the tram takes off with me half in and half out of it!, but fortunately Arrrrghhhh! seems to be universally understood, and a guy on the tram leapt forward to open the doors and haul my bags in with one hand, and me with the other, as the tram went merrily on its way.

No more! I want to wake up in the same bed for several days in a row. I want to spend an entire day sitting in one place. I want to spend some time with someone who actually knows me, and have real conversations. And so, after the weekend, I’m heading back to the familiar surroundings of Tallinn and the comfortable company of Riho. Ah, Tallinn: where everything is cheap, people speak English, and my biggest problem is being unable to identify the ingredients for my speciality dishes in the supermarket.

Just need one final spurt of energy for a whirlwind tour of Vienna, a train ride to Slovakia, a flight to Sweden, sightseeing in Stockholm, a flight to Latvia and a six hour bus ride to Estonia, but sure that’s nothing…

And miles to go before I sleep…

Why, oh why do I always leave everything to the last minute? There are 11 days until my leaving date, and only yesterday did The Fear finally kick in enough to make me start panicking and trying to get organised. It’s hard to think about sitting down and writing an even vaguely entertaining blog post when the majority of your house looks something like this:

Disorganised Chaos. So just \'chaos\', really.

 And that’s the least of it. Eagle-eyed readers should be able to spot the roll of tape hanging from my laptop. This is because it is dying. Dying. I have resorted to taping it together so that all the internal connections are pushed together to an extent where things actually appear on the screen. It’s all very upsetting.

I type this hastily thrown together blog post amidst a sea of priceless (and worthless) possessions, and growing feelings of despair and panic. I’m trying to be ruthless and just get rid of anything I don’t genuinely need. The theory is that everything else will then fit into this:

Excuse me while I laugh mockingly at my own theory. The things you find, though! Carefully collected merchandise… childhood books and toys… notes passed amongst schoolfriends… mix tapes made as a dreamy teenager… gifts received long ago… hundreds and hundreds of photographs…

It is a long, emotional, nostalgic and unsettling process. And some people are just no help at all:

STOP

I am taking the weekend off, starting from when I say the word “now” (excluding that one I just said).

I realise a large part of the weekend has already gone, but by going to bed now (well before midnight!) and then heading off for the day to see Chirpy in Ballynahinch, I feel I can achieve more of a relaxing weekend in the space of 24 hours than I have managed to do over the course of previous weekends in their entirety. Did that make any sense? Probably not, and this just goes to illustrate how burnt out, exhausted and quite frankly Almost Dead I really am. (I also said the word “now”, and that one didn’t count as my starting point, either.)

So, no blog post this weekend. This one doesn’t count because it’s barely even in English. I will return on Monday, and in the meantime here’s a nice soothing picture of Mr. Darcy from The Lake Scene. I find it helpful in most of life’s circumstances. 

odb-wetlook.jpg

Time for my weekend to begin. No more thinking, writing, working or rushing. Starting from…. now.

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